In the official Whole30 timeline, it says:

Days 10-11: The Hardest Days.

“Fact: you are most likely to quit your Whole30 program on Day 10 or 11.”

I felt better reading this, because I woke up, and when I contemplated making more goddamn eggs and veggies for breakfast, my first thought was “FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK THAT. ”

“By this point, the newness of the program has worn off.”

YEAH, YOU DON’T SAY.

“You’ve made it through most of the unpleasant physical milestones, but you’ve yet to experience any of the “magic” the program promises.”

WHY AM I DOING THIS AGAIN? WHY? I don’t feel better, I just feel cranky and joyless and like I can’t eat stuff that makes me happy. I feel like a hostage to vegetables.

“You’re still struggling to establish your new routine (read: you’ve eaten eggs prepared ten different ways over the last ten days), and while you’ve been trying really hard to have a good attitude, today you are incredibly aware of all the foods you’re “choosing not to eat right now.”

I just want to eat something that’s chewy but not meaty. I told Donnelle this, and she said, “Like what, like pizza?” And I said “YES EXACTLY LIKE PIZZA.” And like gummy bears. And like caramel. And like baguettes. Basically, things made of sugar and gluten.

“Everywhere you look, you see the things you ‘can’t’ have: the melted cheese on a greasy burger, the creaminess of that double-scoop cone, the cold beer in your best friend’s tailgate cooler.”

The cookies you’re selling at concessions at the theatre, the pizza that people are eating at rehearsal, the goddamn amazing smelling something that your neighbors are cooking, GODDAMMIT WHAT IS THAT AMAZING SMELL?

“Dammit, this is hard! And right now you’re wondering if the results will really be as good as ‘they’ all say it is.”

Yeah. Yeah I am wondering that.

“You’re cranky, you’re impatient, and you’re really, really tempted to just eat the stupid cheese.”

ARE YOU IN MY HEAD?!

“This is where you really start to experience the psychological hold that your food habits have on you.”

We’ve established this, NOW WHAT DO I DO?

“The key here is to redefine your idea of reward.  Think long and hard about the foods you’re grieving and ask yourself what need you’re expecting them to fulfill.”

Uhhh, I’m expecting them to bring me the joy that I generally take from eating them?

“Are you feeling anxious and looking for reassurance?”

Personal, but sure.

“Are you feeling sad, and looking for something to cheer you up?”

Eh, not now, but wait 5 minutes and maybe.

“Are you worried you won’t successfully finish the program, and it’s easier to self-sabotage than fail?”

… I’m feeling personally victimized here.

“Remind yourself that food cannot fill that void for you—cannot make you feel truly accomplished, comforted, calm, happy, beautiful.”

LOL, I know, nothing can, but food sure gives me something to be happy about though, right?

“Then, find another way to fill that need that does not involve those foods. Prepare yourselves for these days, knowing that all you have to do is see them through to the other side before things get much, much easier.”

… And that’s why now I’m sitting here watching the new Queer Eye reboot. (It’s lovely.) Because it’s 10:30 on a Saturday and what the hell else am I going to do.

HOT TAKE: If you’re going to make several meals’ worth of cauliflower, do NOT cook it then sauce it, then pack it sitting in that sauce, because it will be SO MUSHY by the time you eat it that you will consider swearing off cauliflower forever.

(I ate mushy cauliflower twice today, and it did not help my attitude.)

MEAL #1

Aw, it looked so pretty in the pan!

A bit jankier post-transfer, hit with a sploosh of Frank’s RedHot. That’s cauliflower rice and butternut squash rice (from frozen) and HI, this was surprisingly low on flavor and MUSHY AF. I need my greens back, stat.

MEAL #2

I’m almost through this lettuce, and then I can start on a new lunch format soon. But for now, salad with turkey patty, cherry tomatoes (YUM FOREVER YUM), apple cider vinegar, and a dollop of mayo that eventually mixed with the vinegar for a simple dressing. And Frank’s RedHot because it is my lifeline right now.

MEAL #3

Another of those curry meatball & cauliflower rice thingies. I’m so over it.

I’m buying a Whole30 cookbook tomorrow and am gonna make something that excites me. Hopefully. That’s the plan. I also might just roast a damn chicken tomorrow; who knows, the world is a wild damn place.

OK, Queer Eye episode 2… NOW!