DONNELLE: Days 5-7 – Cheekbones and Dark Circles
February 12, 2018
It all started on Friday at about 2:30 PM. Monday-Friday early afternoon, I felt like I was on fire. I loved the food, I loved the diet, I loved how I was feeling. I thought maybe, just maybe, I’m going to get through this month without any issue.
Then suddenly 2:30 PM hit, and it felt like someone had intravenously drugged me. It was that quick. Suddenly out of nowhere my head was swimming and I have never wanted to go to sleep so hard in my life. I drank another cup of coffee to zero effect.
I had plans to hang with friends that night and very nearly had to bail. I ended up taking a 30 minute nap before we left, and I managed to stay awake for the hang, but I had entered a dreamlike state where I still haven’t felt fully awake for the past 3 days (and not a good dreamlike state…exactly like a “Whatever strain that was, I’m never smoking that again” state). Even now as I type this, I still feel like I’m asleep.
The thought of trying to fill myself up with another sweet potato turns my stomach.
I want to barf when I think about oily salads.
I don’t like nor want all this meat (which was my biggest worry before starting this diet…why oh why would I take on such a meat-heavy diet when I generally only eat meat maybe 3 times a week?)
I know these past few days have been among the “hard ones” listed in the timeline of the diet, but I was expecting the low energy, headaches, and brain fog.
I was NOT expecting the nausea and the terrible trouble sleeping. Plus I did not expect the “low energy” to mean “zero energy at all” and brain fogs that are so bad I can’t work on things that I very seriously need to.
But the worst part of all is when I THINK about having to eat more meat, more vegetables, and more fats, I feel absolutely sick to my stomach. It’s not about explicitly missing the things I’m not having, it’s more like my body is rejecting the things I’m trying to force it to live on. I’m genuinely worried I’m developing an aversion to these healthy foods by focusing exclusively on them with no breaks.
Last month when we were eating Game On during Monday-Friday and then taking our weekends off, I was losing weight at a steady, healthy pace and I never felt deprived. Sure I’m doing this diet for a different reason (figuring out digestive issues vs. just pure weight loss), but it was those breaks that made it actually a pleasure and a point of pride to eat well during the week. And it wasn’t like I was having crazy pig outs on the weekend, either. I was still listening to my body while allowing myself to enjoy my free time, and enjoying my free time usually means going out and having a nice meal of whatever we want with Trey. By the time Monday would roll back around, I was good and ready for some apple slices and a whole grain breakfast burrito. I was looking forward to roasted carrots and baked chicken breasts. We were even still using the “100 calories a day of anything you want” rule from Game On, and honestly I was only invoking this option maybe 1/4 of the time. I wasn’t sugar or fat-starved. Sure, I still felt bloaty (I’m guessing that was from the plain Greek yogurt I was hoovering), but I felt whole. That’s how balanced I felt.
But right now, Whole30 feels like a “Smoke the whole pack” situation. A few years ago when I did Game On for the first time, I couldn’t eat eggs for an entire YEAR after that. And I am juuuust at the precipice of feeling that way about eggs again, and it’s only the start of Week 2 (Full Disclosure: I ate eggs every day during last month’s Game On diet, so now I’m like 5 weeks into Too Many Effing Eggs).
I don’t want that to be the case here with eggs, nor all the rest of this healthy food. I love the recipes we’ve been making from the cookbooks we have and would be more than THRILLED to keep eating such excellently balanced meals like this, but if these are the ONLY things I’m eating, I’ll tell you right now sweet potatoes are becoming less and less appealing, and I’m already over all white potatoes. What do I have left for carbs here? How quickly will I get over cauliflower and spaghetti squash and butternut squash? And the thing is I LOVE all those veggies. I want them to be regulars in my diet. But I’m afraid they’re not going to be if I have to “smoke the whole pack”.
At the end of the day, I’m just not happy. My weekend was miserable. I don’t want miserable weekends that are self-inflicted. That doesn’t make sense to me. So as healthy as this diet might be for my body during this month, I suspect it actually might be more harmful to my longterm lifestyle diet goals, as well as my current psychological well-being.
Yes, I want to abstain from dairy for a month and see what happens when I reincorporate it. Same with wheat. And maybe even added sugars. The one good thing I can say about this diet right now is my stomach has not felt this good internally in years. YEARS.
But maybe it just makes more sense for me to reduce those things instead of quit them all at once (…plus ALL grains…plus soy…please peanuts ffs) cold turkey.
As my boss (who gave me permission to “quit” the diet) said today, “I can see your cheekbones, which look great, but I can also see dark circles under your eyes I’ve *never* seen on you before.”
Anyway. As of today, I’ve still been compliant. I may try to forge through until tomorrow and see how I’m feeling.
Weekend pics below.
See? Look how beautiful my breakfasts are. I don’t want to hate you, beautiful breakfast!! Don’t make me hate you!!! (Also the strawberry-pineapple La Croix is maybe the best flavor ever, and I was not much of a La Croix person before this.)
Survival Mode Saturday. I want to say a special shout-out to this particular Chocolate Sea Salt RxBar (IT TASTES LIKE A BROWNIE IN MY PSYCHOSIS) and this pretty darn good Chicken Sriracha Epic Bar (I can’t believe I’m a person who has to eat jerky now.)
Saturday night (also may I say I ***HATE*** cooking on a Saturday night?!?!?) I made this incredibly stupidly delicious ground turkey bolognese featuring Rao’s “$10-and-totally-worth-it” Marinara Sauce, mushrooms, and fresh basil.
Alsooooooo in my quest to not have to cook and prep every night (which has been largely unsuccessful so far), I baked two spaghetti squashes instead of one and now I have Too Much Spaghetti Squash.
PS – DON’T CUT THEM IN HALF, BAKE THEM WHOLE AND THEN CUT THEM. Works like an absolute charm and cuts like butter.
Sunday morning, I tried to press sweet potato shreds into my waffle iron. It did not work. Don’t do it.
But I do recommend sweet potato hash browns in general. Mmmmm.
I’m writing this on Day 8, having force fed myself another 2 egg cups and the final sausage patty this morning. I have still remained compliant as of this writing.
Will I be on plan tomorrow? I don’t know. But if I DO fall off the wagon, it’ll be in service to figuring out a real, true, perfect-for-ME dietary plan that I can really embrace as a lifestyle going forward.